Haiku - Dude, We Have to Leave

Dude, we have to leave.

You’re having fun? I don’t care.

I just crapped my pants.

Haiku - Everybody Here

Everybody here
Can see that you are hiding
A boner down there

Internet

Don’t you hate it when you have an awesome idea and then a few weeks later you find out someone else had your idea? I thought up the internet before it existed, and then bam, there it was. Well, I didn’t really invent the internet, but I was getting tired of sneaking into my brother’s room to see porn.

Dreams

If real life was more like my dreams it would be so much more peaceful... that is, after I lead the tattered remains of mankind to a victory against our computer-robot oppressors.

Jesus

Sure, Jesus loved everyone back in his time, but he never met my neighbor Steve Tombasco.